The AsCast Jar

Okay, we all know that the name Kate is synonymous with grammar by now. I’ve made no secret of the fact that, more than anything, I appreciate grammatically sound, well-written stories much more than your average reader does. This being said, I feel compelled to write this:

STOP ABUSING THE APOSTROPHE!

Yes, the poor apostrophe has been abused by those speakers and writers of the English language for years. Next to homophones, homonyms, and generally mis-spelled words, apostrophe abuse is one of the most common things I see done wrong. It’s not just in writing, either: I’ve witnessed professionals who have abused the apostrophe just as badly as a fifth grade student.

So what’s all this about, you wonder? There are a few very simple things which I feel that people ought to be reminded of.

The Cardinal Rules of Apostrophe Usage (or, How to Not Massacre the Poor Apostrophe)

1. Making a word into a plural form DOES NOT require an apostrophe.

If referring to more than one furry domesticated feline, you would say “Cats”. The famous musical by the same name does, in fact, refer to these multiple felines, albeit of the singing and dancing variety. “Cat’s” refers to something which belongs to your furry friend, like a toy, a variety of sustenance, or a person.

2. “Its” and “It’s” are NOT the same word, and are not interchangeable.

“It’s” = “It is.” It is a contraction, a set of words or numbers in which one or more letters or numbers have been omitted (Purdue OWL). It is thus appropriate to write something like “It’s a shame more people don’t know about this site!” If you used “its,” some people in the know may have a tendency to stare at you like a deer that has decided to stand in the middle of the road.  Carnage may occur.

“Its” = the possession of it. It is a pronoun, a word used to replace a noun. Along with its merry cousins he, she, I, they, and others, they are the hands down best masqueraders out there. When you use the pronoun “it,” it is commonly used to refer to a person or object like “this computer,” “my hamster,” “that fire hydrant,” or “the imposing office building.” Although you’re probably saying “But wait, “its” is supposed to be possessive! Why doesn’t it have an apostrophe?”, there is a simple answer: English is just a language full of confusions. “Its,” then, refers to the belonging of an “it.”

Just think: contraction before possession with “it”. Kinda like having a baby.

3. Your teachers didn’t lie to you: you do use the apostrophe + s combination to denote possession. They just didn’t tell you the whole story.

The immortal apostrophe + s combination is indeed used to denote possession: just for singular nouns. “Office,” “snowboard,” “chocolate,” or “James” all qualify as singular nouns. In this case, to refer to something that belonged to any of these persons, places, or things, you would simply add the apostrophe and s. Thus we get “office’s,” “snowboard’s,” “chocolate’s,” and “James’s.” Yes. “James’s.” There’s a lot of controversy about whether or not to use the apostrophe + s combo at the end of a singular name that ends in “s” in the English community. Suffice to say that either “James’s” or “James’” are acceptable.

4. Plural nouns aren’t all that special, they’re just different.

Plural nouns are commonly identified by the “s” on the end. “Bars,” “ostriches,” “orthodontists,” and “the Smiths” are all plural nouns. To make things belong to plural nouns, just tack that apostrophe on to the end of it. For those funky nouns that in their plural form don’t end in a “s” (such as geese or sheep), do the apostrophe + s thing. So, it’s now the sheep’s meadow or the geese’s pond.

5. Although an apostrophe notes possession, don’t use it with a possessive pronoun!

Pronouns can be possessive without the help of their friendly neighborhood apostrophe. Really. Pronouns like “his” “yours” and “her” are all possessive pronouns. Adding an apostrophe is like pinning a real donkey tail on a pin the tail on the donkey game at a kid’s birthday party- it’s just not appropriate. So, don’t do it.

*deep breath* Ah, it’s so good to get this off my chest! I hope this helps a little to clear up some common misconceptions of the use of the apostrophe. If it didn’t… try this: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/621/1/.

Cheers and happy writing!
~Kate

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